Here's to Love and Adventure

Our mantra for this trip to take guardianship of Anjali has been love and adventure and we’ve had plenty of both so far.  Deciding to come to India to foster Anjali was not an easy decision, but it was the right thing to do for us.  It has been 15 months since we were matched with Anjali and we just received a court date last week of August 25th.  The state of Bihar has not yet approved any international adoptions, though there currently seem to be 4 of them waiting for the court process to be completed.  These cases do seem at a standstill and being here I hope will make a difference.  We have heard quite often from all parties, “This is the first international case, it’s complicated.” When making the decision to foster, it’s important to understand that once you take guardianship of your child, the child cannot be returned to the orphanage.  We are here for the long haul if it turns out that court process is slow and cumbersome.  We fortunately have the financial means to take this risk.  Additionally, Missionaries of Charities gave us a huge gift by not charging us foreign adoption fees.  We thought we had all the correct permissions in place before heading to India.  For us, it is very important that we do everything by the book, as what we do will impact other cases.  We got confirmation from CARA, SARA, Missionaries of Charity and the RIPA that is in charge of our case that we had permission to foster and of course, our agency in the U.S.  Our orphanage, Missionaries of Charity, is not licensed to do international adoptions, yet they specialize in children with special needs and these children will most likely not be adopted by Indian families.  MOC is in Patna which is a big city where the SARA office is as well as the courts where our case will be heard.  Our RIPA is in Nalanda which is a small village about 85 km outside of Patna.

I think everyone was truly surprised that we actually showed up to foster Anjali.  Questions about where we would stay and comments about how long the court process could take were thrown at us.  It was a fight to gain custody of Anjali, but by Thursday morning we had gotten a custody letter from our advocate.  (You need a custody letter from the RIPA and Birth Certificate Affidavit in order to travel in India with your child).  We had also met or talked with all the major players who are here locally.  We took a trip down to Nalanda on Tuesday and met everyone in charge of handling our case there.  We also spoke on the phone with the Director of SARA. CARA sent an email to all parties stating that they needed to make our case an urgent priority.   We met with our advocate and the MOC advocate.  Our advocate was selected because he can practice both in Patna and Nalanda (He resides and practices in Patna).  Unfortunately, he has no experience with adoption.  The MOC advocate has however offered to assist free of charge, however, he can.  Sister Meera at MOC told us that we can expect the judges in Patna to scrutinize our case since it is the first international adoption there. That we needed to make sure everything was in order perfectly.  The first few days here were a whirlwind, but I feel that we got across that we are serious about pulling our case through, because we are.

The actual fostering of our daughter has been amazing (more on that in a future post).  An hour ride home to an apartment that feels familiar to her is a world of difference than the schedule that parents normally have to take their children back home.  I can understand why some countries require an extended stay in country for parents.  We are having to make a lot of adjustments and get used to living in a totally new place without much support, but it’s been such a smooth transition for our daughter and as long as we keep a positive outlook and focus on how wonderful it is to spend every day with our sweet baby girl, then I think we will be okay.

Reunited and It Feels So Good

Early Monday morning we returned to Missionaries of Charity after an absence of 7 months to see our dear sweet Anjali.  We weren't sure if she would remember us or how much she had grown.  After waiting about 15 minutes, she was brought into the MOC office, the same place as our first meeting with her, but it couldn't be more different.  Back in December, the first time she came into the office she burst into tears completely overwhelmed at meeting Mommy Papa for the first time.  But not this time.  She immediately went into Adam's arms and within a few minutes was smiling.  Her eyes were wide open with excitement and it felt like she remembered us and was relieved that we were back.  We found out later that she had been asking a lot when Mommy Papa were coming.    The morning together was beautiful.  We brought a bag of toys that we had played with on our first visit.  She had definitely grown.  As Adam said when we came in December she was somewhere between a baby and a little girl and now she was definitely a little girl.  She was talking a bit to us (The sisters say she is very talkative, but has never been with us).  She is longer and lankier and her features more pronounced.  She had on a beautiful white summer dress with a colorful sequin design on the front and matching jewelry.  A pearl headband and butterfly clip donned her hair that had grown quite a bit.  We played with her and held her and showered her with kisses.  One of the Sisters commented that Anjali has received a lot of love there at Missionaries of Charity, but not that of parents. It was clear to us that she was ready to come home with us. We spent some time with her in the courtyard and then around 11 am she started to get sleepy.  We went back in the office and Anjali hung out quietly on Adam's lap.  Then she came into my arms and I just felt this amazing wave of love flow between us.  After about 10 minutes, she fell asleep in my arms.  It was such incredible affirmation that our decision to come foster her was the right one.

Packing for Uncertainty

It's hard to believe I will be leaving for India in less than a week.  I am usually pretty good about packing for trips, but this one holds so many unknowns.  We were hoping to be registered for court and have a court date, before making travel plans and while there is still a chance those could come through this week, I am not counting on it.  I have no idea how long I will be in India. If things go well I think maybe six weeks...on the other side of things it could be many months. Then there is the unknown of caring for Anjali.  Her whole world is about to change and I just want to do everything possible to give her as much comfort and love as possible.  Being a new adoptive parent and new to parenting altogether in some ways makes me feel so clueless about what to pack and how to prepare.  Yet, in other ways I feel so ready to take on the challenges that will come our way.  I am a realist and am prepared for a fight.  I have been fortunate to have the last 4 weeks off and feel rested and organized. There is nothing more that I want to do than get my little girl.  I have a wonderful husband and family to go through this journey with.  And ultimately, most anything I will need in India, I can get there.  One of the most important things is making sure I have all possible documents in order.  My caseworker provided me with a list of all documents I might need which will involve a trip to the Secretary of State's office for some apostilling (getting a special stamped paper for documents as required by Indian officials).  I have made copies of everything and also kept a backup electronic version on Google Drive.

I just finished reading, Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change by the Buddhist Nun, Pema Chodron.  I came across it at my parents house while visiting in April and it has proven a wonderful guide for helping me deal with all the uncertainty and difficult emotions that this process brings.  This little book is helping me to honor difficult emotions and situations and face the uncertainty with a calmness that will serve me well and allow me to be as present as possible in every experience that I am about to encounter.  I've heard someone describe Bihar as the wild, wild west of India.  As my caseworker says, we will really have to pull this case through.

Monsoon season is in full swing in Bihar.  It is helping to cool down the city somewhat, but we can expect muddy conditions and lots of mosquitoes.   I am foregoing malaria medication.  I have never taken malaria medication while in India.  It's expensive and I don't care to take medications if I can avoid it.  I did however get a Tetanus, Hepatitis A and Typhoid vaccination.  I will also bring a mosquito net and lots of bug spray. Other than that I'm keeping it simple for what I'm packing for myself.  Clothing for this season, my electronic devices and adaptors to keep them charged, some books to read, a journal and a few gifts for people there.  I am packing one suitcase for myself and another for Anjali.  I've mostly been working on Anjali's suitcase.  Adam's sister gave us a bunch of clothes to take and I've bought a few items as well.  We will bring back the toys we brought to her orphanage when we visited her in December.  Our plan is to arrive on Sunday and get settled in the apartment.  We will go shopping for additional items we need.  On Monday and Tuesday, we will visit Anjali at the orphanage.  This will give us time to also use those days to find out as much as we can about our court case and hopefully make contact with everyone involved.  It will also give us time to get more information from Anjali's caretakers about her daily routine and get reacquainted with her before we take her out of the orphanage on Wednesday.

Airbnb to the Rescue

I am a huge fan of Airbnb.   Having been a host and guest within the system for over 3 years now,  I can honestly say I have never had a bad experience with Airbnb.  As a guest, it is so wonderful to stay with locals who are helpful and know the area.  As a host, it is really neat to have people who are visiting stay and the extra income it provides is quite nice.  The review system and insurance policy keeps everyone in check.  The people who use Airbnb are a certain type of people.  They tend to be people with a sense of adventure who are open-minded and flexible.  No one has ever expected my place to be a hotel or a B & B.  I have used Airbnb in both the US and Europe, but as I began to search for places to stay in India, I wasn't sure that Airbnb had made it over there yet.  I, first checked out Delhi and there were a ton of places there and a range of different types of accommodations.  I then checked for Patna.  There were only a couple listed, but there was a serviced apartment that sounded quite perfect.  I contacted the hosts, Satish and Pratima and negotiated a price for an extended stay and booked it.

I have committed to staying in Patna for a month.  Adam and I will fly out on July 17th to arrive in Delhi on the 18th.  We will fly to Patna on the 19th.  Adam will stay for at least two weeks.  This will be important bonding time with Anjali and hopefully we can get some progress made on our case by being there.  Some people have asked why we don't take her to where we have family in Pune, but I think that it will be better to be in Patna.  I have a feeling we are going to have to advocate strongly for progress and will need to be there.  I also think it will be a wonderful transition from the orphanage.  We can spend time alone with her and get to know her and the city where she was born.  Unless we can get everything processed quickly, Adam will go back to the US and then my parents will come to India to help.  After a month, we will decide where we should be.

I am really excited about the "serviced apartment" we will be staying at in Patna.  It is in a quiet residential neighborhood called Shastri Nagar and the lower level of the house where our hosts live.  It is a spacious two bedroom, two bath apartment with kitchen, lawn and terrace.  Our hosts seem like really wonderful people and I know it will be invaluable to have contact with locals who can help us navigate the city. I spoke extensively with Satish, who actually attended college in Florida, via Skype and everything is set.

We are coming to get you soon, baby girl!