Coffee, Courts, and Exploring the Old and New in Patna

It has been a busy week that included a visit to Missionaries of Charity, the old and new Bihar museum, a birthday party, the Chocolate Room, and most importantly our first court hearing.  Sunday marked our one month as a family.  We celebrated with homemade kheer and Adam made cocktails with ginger syrup and pomegranate juice for the parents.

First of all, we met with our advocate and the MOC advocate at Missionaries of Charity.  For Anjali, this was a bit of a surreal experience.  Everyone was so happy to see her.  Anjali went into stunned mode.  I think she was worried we were returning her to the orphanage.  All the children were calling out her name.  One of the other little girls grabbed Anjali, picked her up and ran her back to the room to be with all  the other kids.  I just love this orphanage...so much love here.  While she was in the back she exchanged kisses with all the kids, and all of the caregivers took turns holding her.  When she came back out, all the Sisters came to greet her and showered her with hugs and kisses. She was still a little stunned, but I think happy nonetheless.  When we met with our advocates, Anjali sat on my lap and eventually fell asleep.  Sister Meera was there and we felt really good about the meeting.  We felt like everyone was in support of our case and that a lot of eyes are on the case which is what it seems to take to get things to move forward.  Sister Meera will attend our second court hearing which should help.  I am realizing that MOC has a lot of political pull here in Patna.  Sister Meera is at the courts often so they know her there.  Hopefully with her eyes and ours on the judge, he will provide a quick judgement in our favor.

We went to the new and old museum of Bihar which offered a stark contrast between the past and what is to come for Patna.  There is a big push for order and progress here in Patna, which apparently wasnt the case up until 8 years ago.  Bihar is a very important site for some of the major religions especially Buddhism, Jainism, and Sikhism.  The old museum had amazingly beautiful statues of various deities and there was also some pretty amazing taxidermy animals from the region and beautifully intricate buddhist paintings.  The new museum is the pet project of current CM Nitesh Kumar and is apparently being funded by the Japanese.  It is a giant building that spans the equivalent of one city block.  Only a couple rooms are completed, but they are allowing visitors to promote it.  You have to go to the old museum to get tickets for the new one.  It is a beautiful building and has interactive exhibits that are kid friendly.  Lots of space for Anjali to run around so she enjoyed it.

This week Anjali went to her first birthday party at the local Pizza Hut.  She was a little overwhelmed and didn't interact with the other children, but it was good for her.  She isn't that fond of cheese, we have found out, but enjoyed the pizza crust.  It was nice for us to meet some other people who live here.  There are a handful of American couples doing charity work here similar to what Stefanie and Dan are doing--working with women in poverty to provide economic opportunities for them.

Over the weekend, we went to the Patna Central Mall which is basically a giant department store. The fifth floor has a food court, a newly constructed small, bowling alley, supposedly the best Chinese restaurant in town (Mainland China) and most importantly the Chocolate Room, which is an Australian based chocolate shop and cafe.  We shared a chocolate brownie sundae and Adam and I had our first coffee since being here.  I had a cafe latte that was delicious and really hit the spot.  My once daily latte habit has been replaced with morning chai, but it sure was nice to get some coffee.

And then there was our court date on the 25th.  This was a bit of a surreal experience for us.  The court house was like taking a step back in time.  All the advocates have to wear a robe similar to what judges wear in the U.S.  and this peculiar square tie.  The Ganga river borders one side of the court and all the doors are open on that side to let cool air in.  It is quite a picturesque scene with the ceiling fans blowing, the river flowing and the magistrates dressed in what looked like outfits from British colonial times.  Our advocate brought one of the senior advocates to the hearing.  The judge entered the room at about 2:30 pm.  Anjali was a bit antsy when we first entered the court room, but fell asleep fairly quickly once the session started.  Cases were being heard at a fairly rapid pace, though there was an occassional case that took a bit longer as advocates argued their cases to get the judge to see things in their favor.  At about 3:45, the senior advocate called out to the clerk who had all of the files and requested he look at our file.  Our hearts beat rapidly when we knew it was our case being pulled up.  It was at the bottom of a pile.  The judge flipped through the file and asked the senior advocate a few questions.  It was all over in less than a minute.  Our advocates left the court room and gestured for us to leave.  We were told that our case was admitted and we would hear the following day when the hearing would take place and who the judge is that we have been assigned to.  It's hard to believe we waited over a month for this.  But it is what it is.  I do believe it helped with us being there.  I don't think the senior advocate would have shown up otherwise and I think our case file may still be at the bottom of the pile, being heard later in the week or the following.  The next hearing will be the important one where the judge can approve our case.  At this point we have been told it will be September 15th in District Court Room 3. We may be asked questions about the adoption and they will want to see Anjali.  If there is any document or anything else the judge finds not satisfactory, he can call for an additional hearing or hearings.  We truly are at the mercy of the court right now.

Patna Blessings

I can’t say that living in Patna has been easy, but I also can’t discount all of the blessings we have had since we have been here, the biggest, of course, being to spend uninterrupted time with Anjali.  Of course, there are times when we wish we could have a break, but I know this time with Anjali has built such a foundation of love and trust for her.  Other blessings are easy to name and high on the list are the people we have met here.

First of all, our wonderful hosts Satish and Pratima, are simply the best.  They have done so much to help us navigate daily life here in Patna and help us get anything we need.  They have prepared meals for us, shared their favorite spots for grocery shopping, and provided us with a safe, clean haven to live as we wait out the court process.  They are very conscientious and kind.  We enjoy spending time with them as they both are wonderful to talk to and give us great insight into life here in Patna.

We have also met a family from Charlotte, NC (small world I know) who are working here, Stefanie and Dan and their 4 lovely daughters.  They have been so nice and it has been wonderful to hear about their experience adjusting to life in Patna as they work to help women in poverty. They have helped to answer questions and share some of their favorite spots here in Patna. They came to visit us at our apartment and we met them at a local park.  It was wonderful for Anjali to watch how active and athletic their daughters are.  She had her first experience on a playground which included the excitement of going on a slide, swinging and walking in sand.    We will be going to their eldest daughter’s birthday party on Friday where Anjali will experience another first—PIZZA!!!

This past week, we met with Brajesh Kumar, who is the project manager at SARA Bihar.  He is a very kind man and made it clear that they have been fighting hard to get our case through the process.  He knew so much about our case and answered all of our questions as best he could.  He seemed genuinely happy to see Anjali with us and when he asked Anjali who her Mommy and Papa were at the end of the meeting, she pointed to us which made everyone in the office smile including us.

Although, our case did not get preponed, it is only a week away at this point.  Tomorrow, we are going to meet with our advocate and the MOC advocate with the goal of getting as much information about our hearing and make sure all correct documents have been submitted.  It is very reassuring to be able to have this meeting and we are grateful that both advocates are willing to meet.  It will be nice to go back to Missionaries of Charity.  I think Anjali will enjoy seeing everyone there. 

Anjali continues to share more of herself with us and we love her more each day.  She is such a loving, happy little girl who is in awe of the big world out there.  She is quite the comedian and actress, putting on a display of different personalities and faces that make us laugh.  We went shopping to get her a new dress for her court hearing and while in the dressing room, she and I had a blast striking different silly poses in the mirror.  She enjoys singing and dancing as well and has some of the cutest dance moves ever.  It’s clear that music is something that calms and energizes her.  She sings nursery rhymes with us and then also hums and sings songs she must have learned at the orphanage.  She is learning a lot of English and surprises us daily with new words and phrases she has learned.  She gets mischievous when she gets bored, but we are also getting better at finding ways for her to exert her energy and anticipating her moods and needs.

We are eager to get our August 25^th court hearing under our belt.  I think it will help us know what to expect for the remainder of our time here.  The biggest unknown right now is who our judge will be and how he will respond to us.  Wishing for the best!

Two Weeks with Anjali

It’s hard to believe we have had Anjali in our care for two weeks now.  It’s been a lot of fun and we’ve learned so much about our sweet little girl.  Most importantly, she eats like a champ!  We are amazed at how much she is eating.  She has cereal and banana in the morning, a mid-morning snack, lunch, mid afternoon snack, dinner, and usually a glass of milk before going to bed.  There isn’t much she won’t eat, but her favorite things are roti and chocolate wafer cookies.  She usually asks for seconds at dinner.  Starting this week, we have had a cook come every morning.  She prepares two vegetables for us and fresh roti.  It has been a blessing to have this and only costs us $30 for a month of cooking.  We supply the ingredients.  Vegetables in season right now are eggplant, okra, green beans and squash.  Mangos, papaya, banana and apple have all been delicious and we snack on them throughout the day.

Naps are difficult for Anjali.  At the orphanage she had a nap after lunch, so we have tried to keep that schedule.  It takes her about a half an hour to wind down and then she sleeps for about an hour.  She is a high energy, task-oriented little girl.  Her favorite thing to say is “Bungaya!”  which means it’s fixed.  She will say this after she has completed anything with a big smile.  She loves to help out whether it be cooking, washing dishes, folding or putting things where they are supposed to go.  She loves flashcards and repeating words after me.  We have one set of common objects flashcards and another set of feelings flashcards that have bright vivid pictures on them.  We also go through her photo album at least twice a day and she is catching on to everyone’s name in the family.  We have had facetime sessions with family back home and she really enjoys that.  She says everyone’s name and listens intently as they talk with her.  She is an athletic girl and seems to be left handed when throwing a ball or swinging a cricket bat.  But when coloring, she uses her right hand. 

Anjali is a smiley, happy girl with a great sense of humor.  She loves to laugh with us and will sometimes make fun of us by imitating what we say.  She is affectionate and showers us with hugs and kisses and loves to be held by us and never gets tired of being swung.  She is also very talkative.  She loves to make play phone calls and tell us what to do.  She has done a good job teaching us her hindi words for all of her important basic needs like brushing her teeth, going to the bathroom, getting dressed, eating and drinking.  She has some basic English words down:  apple, juice, thank you, good night, and I love you.

We have been trying to take her on short excursions in the afternoon.  She loves to get out.  We take a cycle rickshaw to the main road then catch a Tuk Tuk (motorized rickshaw) into town.  She loves riding in Tuk Tuks.  She is fascinated by dogs and cows and calls out kutta (dog) and cow every time she sees one.  Our favorite place to go is the zoo, not so much to see the animals, but it’s a really nice park to walk around in with big trees, a lake and quiet pathways for a toddle to run around on.  There are chipmunks running every where and Anjali enjoys chasing them. 

She is most attached to her Papa.  She runs after him and says Papa, Papa constantly.  Having a male caregiver is something new and she is soaking up his love.  She will not go to bed without him by her side.   She is also very loving to me and often reveals things to me.  The other day she counted to 20 in English which was a big surprise.  She will not engage with other people right now.  She gets very shy around them.  Even our hosts who she sees every day and who can speak hindi can not get a response out of her.  This is not necessarily a bad thing at this stage of attachment to her new family.  In fact, it shows that she knows who her parents are and has a special relationship with us.

We are blessed to have this time together to grow close as a family.  There have been no updates with our court date.  We have been told a request was made to the court by the advocate to prepone our case and we are waiting to hear from the courts.  Adam is trying to work from here, but it has been challenging.  Every day is a new one and we are facing each new challenge with energy and love and a sense of wonder at being a family.

Sending Anjali Out into the World

So much has happened with Anjali that I want to share now that we have had her home a little over a week, but I have to start with the handing over ceremony that was one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever had.  Adam wrote about it right after the fact in an email to family and he has agreed to share it here:

We have been home for almost 24 hours with Anjali. It has been such a smooth transition. No tears, no fits. There are occasional quiet moments of contemplation where you can see her processing all the new information but she is a really happy little girl. We cannot say enough nice things about all the sisters at Missionaries of Charity. They are an amazing bunch of women and their orphanage has such a happy and positive atmosphere. They treat the children with so much love and respect. 

When a child leaves the orphanage they have a ceremony to commemorate the start their new life with their parents. We had our ceremony Thursday morning. Anjali was dressed in a new outfit, that we were told to bring for her, and taken to the chapel.Yvonne and I lit two candles and placed them, with a bouquet, at the Virgin Mary. All the sisters and the 20 or so children came in and there was a short service. A hymn was sung, then the priest gave a very nice blessing granting Anjali strength in her journey as she made her way in the world. During the second hymn a sister took Anjali and gave a blessing at Mother Theresa, the crucifix and the Virgin Mary. Then all the children, sisters and other care workers lined up and gave Anjali a kiss goodbye. Finally the sisters hand her over to us. After a few photos (the only photos allowed are by their photographer) we were done. 

Anjali was so poised throughout the entire service. Sister Meera had asked her on the way to the chapel if she was ready to leave and she replied yes. The sisters spend a lot of time preparing the children to leave so they will be ready when their time comes. We were happy to hear that they want Anjali to come back and visit. 

Around the house Anjali is a little chatterbox. We don’t  always know what she is saying but she is teaching us some Hindi. I learned “shoe” and “water” yesterday and because I haven’t been able to make out the word for diaper yet she has added some sign language: wave one hand at me and point to her diaper with her other hand.  Yvonne is doing much better with the Hindi. So we are all getting along just fine and really enjoying our first days together.