Thanking Our Lucky Stars

Anjali was left on an overhead luggage rack of a Patna bound train by a parent or parents who felt they could not give her the care she needed probably due to the rare medical issue she was born with that would be difficult for a family with limited means to care for.  She was found on Christmas Eve 2012 at the Patna Junction Railway Station and was taken by police to Missionaries of Charity in Old Patna City where she was given the name Anjali by the Sisters.  She was approximately 9 months old and was given the birth date of March 23, 2012.  Anjali was showered with love and so well cared for and I attribute her loving, happy spirit to the Sisters and caregivers there.  It was difficult to find a doctor in Patna to perform the surgery she needed, but eventually Anjali was taken to Indira Gandhi Medical Center where  Pediatric Surgeon Vinit Thakur agreed to provide Anjali with the operation she would need only if a nurse could be found who was willing to give Anjali the intensive follow up care she would need after the surgery.  Nurse Sujata answered the call with extreme devotion treating her like a family member.  Even after Anjali recovered, she would make periodic visits to the orphanage and brought her own daughters to play with Anjali and make her feel like she had a family.  In early 2014, Sister Meera joined Missionaries of Charity.  She did not have experience with adoptions, and as a result she put several of the children on the CARA site as available for international adoption including Anjali even though she was not allowed to do so because MOC Patna is not licensed for placing children internationally.  We were matched with Anjali in April 2014.  It feels like it was truly written in the stars that Anjali was meant to be with us.  I am simply amazed that everything fell in place as it did.

Our last couple of weeks in Patna were emotional ones that brought to close a defining chapter in the life of our family.  On Sunday, September 27th as we were walking to the vegetable market, I heard a woman's voice yell out, "Anjali!"  When I turned around to see a woman getting off a motorcycle, I knew instantly that it was Sujata.  We had been communicating via email and the street we walk down to get to the market is a short cut from the hospital to her house.  We chatted for a bit with her and her husband Jeevan and made arrangements to come to the hospital that Thursday.  Anjali would not go to Sujata which made me sad, but Sujata was really happy to see her.

It was nice to visit the hospital and meet some of the people who helped Anjali.  We saw where the operating theater where her surgery was performed was and also the recovery room where she spent 3 weeks.  Dr. Thakur was out of town, so we were unable to visit with him.  But Anjali eventually warmed up to Sujata and let her hold her as we walked out towards the hospital exit.  The following day Sujata stopped by our flat with her two daughters who brought gifts for Anjali.  She again acted very shy and clingy, but as soon as they left she got super excited about all of the gifts, so I sent pictures to Sujata of her with them.

On Saturday, October 3rd we went back to the courthouse.  There was no hearing per se, but we met our advocate there and he spoke with the bailiff who confirmed that our order had been issued.  After some time we received word that the written orders would be ready on Monday.  They didn't come on Monday, but they did come late Tuesday afternoon and Adam went down to the courthouse to pick them up.

On Sunday, we were invited to a neighbor's house for lunch where we were treated to a typical Bihari meal that included the speciality that we had been told we needed to try before we left Bihar called Litti.  It is a round stuffed pastry that was served with a tomatoe chutney.  It was a delicious lunch. The family had a 3 year old boy as well who was eager to play with Anjali.  Anjali was shy to begin with but relaxed a bit once he brought out his giant stuffed caterpillar.  By the end of the afternoon they were playing together in the yard and Anjali was having a blast.  It was so wonderful to see her playing with someone her own age.

On Wednesday we headed to the central passport agency to apply for the passport.  We learned that there are nearly 2,000 passports being processed each day in this office...mostly men traveling to the Middle East for work.  We had done the groundwork before and were taken directly to the manager's office who checked all of our documents and then set us up with an assistant to get everything processed.  Anjali was very excited to have to give her thumbprint for a signature.  We were there for about two hours and were then told to go to the regional passport office to meet with Mr. Sinha who we had met before.  We went to his office and he let us know that we could get the passport within the next couple of days once he got a an email confirmation from the RIPA director that she was okay with us applying for the passport as it is normally the director that is responsible for doing this.  

On Thursday, we were invited back to the hospital to meet Dr. Thakur.  He had a busy day of surgeries so he met us between two of them and we talked a bit about Anjali and took photos.  

On Friday morning, we went to Missionaries of Charity to say goodbye and pick up vaccination records.  It was a tough visit.  We watch 4 more kids being transferred out.  The car transporting them was leaving as we pulled in.   I'm pretty sure Anjali's best friend Naveen was one of them in the car.  There are only a handful of kids remaining as MOC ends its adoption program and the Sisters were all sad.  The eldest Sister took Anjali from my arms and she started crying fiercely really scared she was being handed back.  She took Anjali on a walk and to say goodbye and say a prayer. I got the vaccination record from Sister Meera and thanked her for everything.  She told me she was really happy Anjali was going home with us but that she would miss her and I promised to call once we got back to the U.S.  Then we headed off to the passport office.  Anjali had recovered from the farewell at MOC by then and pranced into the director's office.  They had a photographer there to take a photo of the first passport issued in Bihar for an adopted child.  Anjali was so excited about getting her passport and seeing her picture in it and of course, her thumbprint.  Getting the passport turned out to be the easiest, quickest part of the process! We went home and packed and cleaned.

Friday evening we hosted a small celebration dinner at the restaurant 17 Degrees.  It was a nice farewell and goodbye for all the wonderful people in Patna who helped us. 

Saturday morning, we finished packing and said our goodbyes. Mr. Sinha, our advocate, called and said he had a certified copy of the court order and would meet us at the airport.  I cried as we were leaving Pratima and Satishes' place.  I will really miss them.  They were so good to us and helped us so much.  We became really close by the end of our stay.

As our plane took off from Patna rising in the air Anjali and I chanted goodbyes as we looked out our plane window, "Ta Ta Patna, Ta Ta Aunty Tima, Ta Ta Uncle Satish, Ta Ta Sister Meera, Ta Ta Aunty Jata...."  It was a bitter sweet moment, but we were so, so happy to be heading towards family in Mumbai and Pune.

Breakthroughs for Our Beti

Anjali continues to get more comfortable with us and has recently added a little diminutive to our names, Papale and Mamale.  The bonding process with her has been far smoother than we could ever have imagined with one downfall, she wants nothing to do with anyone else, but us.  This is a good thing in the beginning, but at two and a half months, Adam and I are beginning to wonder when she will let people other than us into her world.  When others approach her or try to engage her she generally runs to one of us with her "I'm overwhelmed" look on her face and if she feels really insecure, she will demand for one of us to pick her up and bury her head in our shoulders.  She is as chatty as can be around us, but has not spoken to another person in English or Hindi face to face.  This is not so surprising with strangers, but even with our hosts, Satish and Pratima, who she sees almost every day, she still has not warmed up to them despite their many attempts to befriend her. And the times we have returned to the orphanage, she will not look at her best friend, Naveen, even though at home she constantly asks to look at a video of the two of them holding hands and will no longer go to the caregivers there. I know that at the orphanage she gets worried that she is going back and that all of this for her is establishing who her family is, but I would love for everyone else to be able to enjoy her big personality and smile especially those who have been important in her life.

Last week was the Annaprashana celebration for our hosts' daughter, Danu babu, as she's known around here.  This is the first feeding celebration (the first time she gets solid foods) and it was a big party with lots of yummy food to eat for the grown ups.  Danu got a few bites of kheer from her parents and others.  I felt honored to be included in giving Danu one of her first bites.    Anjali got to wear one of her new outfits from Chennai and we explained that we would be going upstairs for a party to prepare her before we went.  When we first brought her upstairs and she saw all of the people, she immediately became agitated.  People were calling her name and she quickly clung to me and buried her head in my shoulder.  I went into the room where all the women of the house were hanging out with Danu with her, but that seemed to make matters worse and it was clear she needed a break so I took her downstairs.  Once, we got downstairs, she totally broke down and began crying uncontrollably.  After a while Adam came down and we thought we would just have to take turns going upstairs while the other consoled our overwhelmed daughter.  I went up first, but within a few minutes, Pratima requested I go get Adam and Anjali as the feeding of Danu was about to begin.  Not wanting to disappoint her, I decided to head downstairs to see if anything had changed.  Adam had  done a good job of calming her down, as he's known to do and usually at the end of meltdown, we have a ritual where we say Tikke? (Are you okay?)  and she will respond tikke with her cute sideways head bob  if she has in fact recovered.    I was able to in fact, get a tikke out of her and get her to agree to go upstairs for food.  We had food and watched Danu get fed and she made it through the rest of the afternoon and even seemed to relax a little.  Her first breakthrough was when I brought her to look at Danu.  She has never really responded to Danu, but she seemed fascinated by her on this day and grabbed her foot gently.

After we had gone back downstairs, Satish brought a little boy named Abinash down who was about Anjali's age, so he could play in the table tennis room in our flat and hopefully play with Anjali.  Initially she didn't respond, so Adam played table tennis with Abinash and I brought some toys in the room to play with Anjali.  After a while Abinash came over and also started playing with Anjali's toys and before I knew it I was slipping out of the room, to let them play together alone.  Major breakthrough for little A!  Abinash stayed the night upstairs, he gave Anjali some chocolate at some point which earned him major points with her.  The following morning he came back over and Anjali and he picked up with playing again.  It was so nice to see my little beti having fun with another child.

Anjali and Abinash

Fastforward to Monday at the courthouse and our fourth court hearing.  I was so nervous going into the session, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack and didn't know if I would be able to handle another court hearing that produced more setbacks and delays.  Babita and Ramesh from Nalanda were there before us and greeted us when we arrived.  The advocates showed up next and we handed them a copy of the CARA guidelines and letter from a doctor and asked him to present them to the judge and bailiff.  Sister Meera had another case to attend to so she told us she would meet us there. At the start of the hearing, she still was not there and I felt my stomach tighten, but within a few minutes she showed up visibly in a rush and all my nerves disappeared.  Ramesh had to testify first, then Sister Meera.  Adam and I also each had to testify.  We were asked mostly standard questions.  At one point, I was asked if I was satisfied with Anjali now that I have had her in foster care.  I wanted to say something really profound about how much I loved her, but all that came out was, "Yes, very satisfied."  It felt like a very productive hearing and at the end, we found out that the judgment would come on October 3rd and that we were promised written orders by early next week.  We have been riding high since then and while we aren't making any further plans until Saturday after our court hearing, it does feel like a major break in our case.

Anjali leaving court with Sister Meera

One last little breakthrough with regards to our brave little beti.  She is getting more comfortable at the playground and seems not to be bothered by other children, even when a group of preteen boys sat at the top of the slide she wanted to ride.  We also took Anjali to an arcade at the mall which we had avoided previously, not wanting to get her overstimulated.  She had a blast.  There were lots of little rides for toddlers like a train and a mini carousel.  The mini carousel was her favorite...the place blew her mind definitely.  And I almost forgot, Anjali got to go on a paddle boat ride at the zoo.  It was all going well on the boat, but we went under a fountain and thought we would get sprayed a little, but we got totally soaked and that scared her a little.  Ever since then, she's been saying, "Boat, no!"  I think we are all ready for another airplane ride.  A long one that takes us to that faraway place called home.  Adam and I speculated on when she would be ready for Disneyland or Disney World, but quite honestly we are dreaming about simple things to share with her back home like a leisurely stroll in our neighborhood with our dogs to the playground. The possibility of going home seems real for the first time since we have been here!

Buddha and a Bailiff

I must remember every day how lucky we are to be together as a family.  Anjali is so full of excitement and joy that her parents came to get her and she is so pleased to be with us every moment, and we are so lucky to have this precious child choose us to be her parents.  We will get through this and get home...we will.

We visited Bodh Gaya on the weekend before our September 21st court date and I am so glad we did.  There were so many lovely temples and having the opportunity to sit under the bodhi tree was far more special than I imagined it would be.  The two and a half hour train ride wasn't as pleasant as we had hoped.  It was crowded and the windows were small and unfortunately we weren't next to one, but it was quick.  Anjali enjoyed the trip, but it didn't hold quite the excitement of going on an airplane.  We then took a 35 minute tuk tuk ride from Gaya to Bodh Gaya which was pleasant once we got out of the town of Gaya.

We stayed at the Tara Guesthouse which was a few minutes outside of Gaya.  The guesthouse is run by a really sweet family and proceeds from the guesthouse support a school for children in the village.  There were several little children including another Anjali who was about 5 years old.  Although, the children wanted to play with Anjali, she still didn't feel ready to play with the children.  Exploring all the temples, though was something she really enjoyed.  Running around in the entrance ways up to the temples was fun for her, but once she took her juttas off and entered a temple she respected the silence and reverence of each one.   She definitely knew who buddha was and even knelt down and prayed at the Japanese Temple.  There isn't much else to Bodh Gaya besides temples, monasteries and places for people to stay and eat..and of course, the 80 foot Buddha.  My favorite temples were the Royal Bhutanese temple and Karma temple.  Both had incredible, intricately painted colorful walls.  The most popular time to visit is from November to April. It was the low season and surprisingly hot.   Many of the restaurants were closed.  We stuck to an Asian theme as a break from Indian food and because Anjali is simply crazy for chow mein and fried rice.  We ate at an amazing Thai food restaurant called Siam Thai on Friday evening which was the highlight (some of the best thai food I have ever tasted), had fried rice at a Japanese joint called Fujira for lunch Saturday and then had momos (tibetan dumplings), chow mein and egg rolls at another restaurant on Saturday evening.  We also got to go for brunch on Sunday before we headed out at Hari Om's cafe.  I had really yummy banana honey pancakes and Anjali and Adam had omelets, plus we had delightful fresh sweet lime juice and coffee! 

The amazing part about our visit was the Mahabodi Temple and the bodhi tree.  This is the spot where  buddha attained enlightenment and it is such a peaceful, beautiful place.  We first visited Saturday afternoon.  No cell phones were allowed inside the temple grounds, which are our cameras as well, so no pictures, but it was really unforgettable.  One of the most spiritual places I have ever been.  It is clear that people from all over the world come here to try and find their own enlightenment.  Different rituals and chants were being performed by monks.  Inside the temple is a beautiful blue-haired Buddha with a shiny gold floral gown that is captivating.  You have to walk around to the back side to see the bodhi tree which is supposedly the 7th generation from the original. It is a special tree.  Wider than it is tall, the tree seems both seductive and wise.  You can't help but take a seat underneath its wide reach and soak up it's essence.  Adam, Anjali and I sat close to the base for a while.  After a few minutes, I picked up Anjali, in search of  a fallen leaf.  I walked around to the other side of the tree and then a gust of wind picked up and the leaves rustled.  A single leaf floated down next to the donation box.  I looked around to see if anyone else was going to lay claim to it and then walked over and picked it up, so pleased to find this auspicious sign for our family.  We moved a little further out from the trunk of the tree and sat for close to a half an hour.  We decided to return early the following morning.  In the morning when it was cooler we were able to walk around the entire perimeter of the temple grounds.  The north side contains a long row of prayer wheels and Anjali enjoyed making them all spin.  We then settled underneath the bodhi tree and enjoyed some chanting done by an elderly man and woman, sitting separately, but chanting in unison and watched a school group perform various rituals as they went through an early morning service.

Getting back to Patna was easy and I wondered why we hadn't gotten there sooner.  It put us in a good state of mind for our next court date that I really believed would be our last.  Well, I am sad to report it was not.  We got there with plenty of time to spare, everyone was there who we thought was supposed to be there.  We also had a friend come to help us make sense of what was going on and give us his take on the proceedings.  The proceedings lasted all of 10 minutes.  They had folks from Nalanda testify, and asked Sister Meera if she had any objections to the adoption.  We were also asked to stand up and state our names.  From all accounts, the judge seems to have no objections to the adoption, but the bailiff was another story.  I am not quite sure if bailiff is the best word, but that is what our friend calls him.  He is the clerk that sits underneath the judge.  He is responsible for handling all of the files, scheduling hearings, marking all documents as exhibits, and preparing the court order which is the most important document we need from him.  Apparently, he dictates the pace of hearings and it was clear that he did not have time on this day to hear us out.  We were not allowed to testify nor was Sister Meera.  He said that would have to be put off until the next hearing.  When the judge asked how long the court order would take for him to prepare if he approved the case today, Adam was asked when he needed to go back to the U.S. Adam stated October 15th and the bailiff remarked that he had better extend his stay.  And that's where we stand. We left feeling bewildered, defeated, and in utter disbelief.  Our advocate has again promised that the next hearing will be our last.  Adam was visibly upset at the end of the proceeding and demanded to know how long this was going to take.  Then the senior advocate said with a chuckle and a look that said be patient, "You are getting a daughter."  And as much as that comment made us feel really small and I felt so angry at that moment, he is right.  We are getting a daughter.  We have a daughter.  She is ours and we are hers and that's all that really matters.  We will continue to fight to pull this case through, and it will happen...it will.

We followed up our court hearing with a visit with another advocate and also a visit to the SARA office.  Our caseworker emailed CARA with our description of what is taking place and asked that they intervene by calling our advocate to have him make the court aware of the CARA guidelines and specifically the clause that states the case should be disposed within 2 months and asked that the Bailiff be provided with examples of court orders.  And that's all we can do...we will see what the next hearing brings.