Breakthroughs for Our Beti

Anjali continues to get more comfortable with us and has recently added a little diminutive to our names, Papale and Mamale.  The bonding process with her has been far smoother than we could ever have imagined with one downfall, she wants nothing to do with anyone else, but us.  This is a good thing in the beginning, but at two and a half months, Adam and I are beginning to wonder when she will let people other than us into her world.  When others approach her or try to engage her she generally runs to one of us with her "I'm overwhelmed" look on her face and if she feels really insecure, she will demand for one of us to pick her up and bury her head in our shoulders.  She is as chatty as can be around us, but has not spoken to another person in English or Hindi face to face.  This is not so surprising with strangers, but even with our hosts, Satish and Pratima, who she sees almost every day, she still has not warmed up to them despite their many attempts to befriend her. And the times we have returned to the orphanage, she will not look at her best friend, Naveen, even though at home she constantly asks to look at a video of the two of them holding hands and will no longer go to the caregivers there. I know that at the orphanage she gets worried that she is going back and that all of this for her is establishing who her family is, but I would love for everyone else to be able to enjoy her big personality and smile especially those who have been important in her life.

Last week was the Annaprashana celebration for our hosts' daughter, Danu babu, as she's known around here.  This is the first feeding celebration (the first time she gets solid foods) and it was a big party with lots of yummy food to eat for the grown ups.  Danu got a few bites of kheer from her parents and others.  I felt honored to be included in giving Danu one of her first bites.    Anjali got to wear one of her new outfits from Chennai and we explained that we would be going upstairs for a party to prepare her before we went.  When we first brought her upstairs and she saw all of the people, she immediately became agitated.  People were calling her name and she quickly clung to me and buried her head in my shoulder.  I went into the room where all the women of the house were hanging out with Danu with her, but that seemed to make matters worse and it was clear she needed a break so I took her downstairs.  Once, we got downstairs, she totally broke down and began crying uncontrollably.  After a while Adam came down and we thought we would just have to take turns going upstairs while the other consoled our overwhelmed daughter.  I went up first, but within a few minutes, Pratima requested I go get Adam and Anjali as the feeding of Danu was about to begin.  Not wanting to disappoint her, I decided to head downstairs to see if anything had changed.  Adam had  done a good job of calming her down, as he's known to do and usually at the end of meltdown, we have a ritual where we say Tikke? (Are you okay?)  and she will respond tikke with her cute sideways head bob  if she has in fact recovered.    I was able to in fact, get a tikke out of her and get her to agree to go upstairs for food.  We had food and watched Danu get fed and she made it through the rest of the afternoon and even seemed to relax a little.  Her first breakthrough was when I brought her to look at Danu.  She has never really responded to Danu, but she seemed fascinated by her on this day and grabbed her foot gently.

After we had gone back downstairs, Satish brought a little boy named Abinash down who was about Anjali's age, so he could play in the table tennis room in our flat and hopefully play with Anjali.  Initially she didn't respond, so Adam played table tennis with Abinash and I brought some toys in the room to play with Anjali.  After a while Abinash came over and also started playing with Anjali's toys and before I knew it I was slipping out of the room, to let them play together alone.  Major breakthrough for little A!  Abinash stayed the night upstairs, he gave Anjali some chocolate at some point which earned him major points with her.  The following morning he came back over and Anjali and he picked up with playing again.  It was so nice to see my little beti having fun with another child.

Anjali and Abinash

Fastforward to Monday at the courthouse and our fourth court hearing.  I was so nervous going into the session, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack and didn't know if I would be able to handle another court hearing that produced more setbacks and delays.  Babita and Ramesh from Nalanda were there before us and greeted us when we arrived.  The advocates showed up next and we handed them a copy of the CARA guidelines and letter from a doctor and asked him to present them to the judge and bailiff.  Sister Meera had another case to attend to so she told us she would meet us there. At the start of the hearing, she still was not there and I felt my stomach tighten, but within a few minutes she showed up visibly in a rush and all my nerves disappeared.  Ramesh had to testify first, then Sister Meera.  Adam and I also each had to testify.  We were asked mostly standard questions.  At one point, I was asked if I was satisfied with Anjali now that I have had her in foster care.  I wanted to say something really profound about how much I loved her, but all that came out was, "Yes, very satisfied."  It felt like a very productive hearing and at the end, we found out that the judgment would come on October 3rd and that we were promised written orders by early next week.  We have been riding high since then and while we aren't making any further plans until Saturday after our court hearing, it does feel like a major break in our case.

Anjali leaving court with Sister Meera

One last little breakthrough with regards to our brave little beti.  She is getting more comfortable at the playground and seems not to be bothered by other children, even when a group of preteen boys sat at the top of the slide she wanted to ride.  We also took Anjali to an arcade at the mall which we had avoided previously, not wanting to get her overstimulated.  She had a blast.  There were lots of little rides for toddlers like a train and a mini carousel.  The mini carousel was her favorite...the place blew her mind definitely.  And I almost forgot, Anjali got to go on a paddle boat ride at the zoo.  It was all going well on the boat, but we went under a fountain and thought we would get sprayed a little, but we got totally soaked and that scared her a little.  Ever since then, she's been saying, "Boat, no!"  I think we are all ready for another airplane ride.  A long one that takes us to that faraway place called home.  Adam and I speculated on when she would be ready for Disneyland or Disney World, but quite honestly we are dreaming about simple things to share with her back home like a leisurely stroll in our neighborhood with our dogs to the playground. The possibility of going home seems real for the first time since we have been here!