Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

 I woke up this morning and imagined little A sitting in front of a birthday cake attempting to blow out 3 birthday candles while everyone clapped and cheered.  I stopped myself when the positive Happy Birthday vision began to fade into an empty feeling that usually follows my visualizations and memories of my sweet baby girl.   I am determined today to be positive and to send positive thoughts out in to the universe especially to Patna for Anjali.  I opened the photo album of our visit to see her in December and  I sang Happy Birthday to her as I thumbed through pictures of her and felt joy watching her smile and play. Happy Birthday my sweet girl...I send a big hug and kiss to you.

The whites, pinks, and yellows have started to bloom here in Raleigh, next will come the greens.  It is the first week of Spring, a time for renewal and hope.  I am determined to pull myself out of a place of frustration and sadness and focus on the happy life we will have with Anjali once she gets here and enjoy the now.  It has been a hard couple of months.  I think I have been grieving the fact that we aren't going to bring her home in April which is the date I had been so fixated upon for so long.   I can't stay in this place.  First of all, I have too many blessings in my life.  I have an amazing husband and family, a beautiful house and job I enjoy.  I have a beautiful daughter waiting for us who is having fun with her brothers and sisters at the orphanage in the meantime.

There  is this row of ten trees on a road in my neighborhood that blooms bright white flowers at the beginning of every Spring.  When you come around the bend where they are situated, their beauty takes your breath away.  We ARE coming around the bend in this adoption process...the end is not yet in sight, but I've got to keep my spirits up and keep things in perspective.